Dark brown, nappy hair, skinny, absurdly tall
Physical attributes being a far cry from textbook beauty
Unintentionally submissive and charitable to a fault
It’s a simple formula really: remove any real instillation of empowerment; pride
Low and behold! A surefire doormat (for lack of something more poetic)
I discovered weed attending summer school before 10th grade and as fate would have it, I protruded breasts and discovered eyeliner too
My smoker friend liked to braid hair; she was skilled and improving
My fate was looking up
Male contenders took interest
The illusion of confidence surged throughout my veins
I was finally somebody after 15 endless years of nobody
Did I mention delusion?
Yeah, well the contenders knew I was just. some. body.
They simply failed to tell me that I was both the contender and the game
I survived “my first” and the trepidation dissipated
Then...I had power
Intoxicating, with THC’s euphoria helping me along
To be desired; so fulfilling, so parallel to feeling loved...so...
Fleeting
I chased it and slowly, yet profoundly, left a piece of my spirit tattered with each touch
So...
hindsight reveals that my bona fide power was to be found in my aptitude for my own self-deception
Where in the hell was foresight when I needed it?
© Simone Brewer
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